I hope this finds its way to you

how come everytime i see a picture of you i feel dead inside? just one look at you makes me feel empty. you have torn a hole in my heart that cannot be put back together, you were everything to me and i hate myself for not getting over it but i cant seem to let go. i see how happy you are and i cant help but get that feeling that im supposed to be that person whose hand your holding and that voice that calms you when you have had a terrible day. that voice you fall asleep and waking up to. dont get me wrong im angry with what happened but im happy that your happy. i miss you and i hope you doing ok. i care about you so much and i know you despise me but oh well. i just hope if you ever need anything you call me. ill be there for you even in your worst moments. i feel so lame, i just miss you so much. and things arent going that great for me right now and i really need you but your not there. i dont know what to do. if i could talk to you one more time i would just tell you that im sorry things happened the way they did and i love you so much. you are beautiful and you have the most amazing personality. i lied and told people i was ok when it happend that it was all good, but you know what it really isent “all good” you and me were perfect together and i was so happy. i guess im not really mad at you more at myself that im such a big fuckup that i lost a girl like you. you are one in a million. i just wish i could go back in time and fix all this. i want you to be happy but with me. you understand me, and im trying to fix myslef because i know im not perfect. i just wish that you could see me and how im changing. but you wont and you never will. im going to try to move on without you in my life but it sucks just thinking about it. between you and me i try to be happy but you tear at my heart and play with my head all day everyday. im sorry for making you unhappy and wasting your life, but just to let you know you didnt waste mine. thats all i have to say.